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Monday, November 15, 2010

Thankfully Discontented

What if what I have isn't exactly what i need? Do i say, "Fine, I will make do with that"? That there are many people who have so much less and I should be ashamed of myself taking for granted what's before me?

But what I am thankful for at night is that I am not M______ and that I didn't succumb to the call of "love" and married the first guy who asked me. I am thankful that I am me now and that my problem is only about choices, that I don't have nightmares and constant fear of being attacked and kidnapped.

I am not quite afraid of making the wrong decisions. I have lived half of my life making those; the other half being the best years as rewards for the errors turned good life's lessons.

I am treading on fire atop a balance beam a thousand feet off the ground. I am here because I could't be found sitting content because it appears I have gotten what could be the best deal of a lifetime. I have been given so much, let me suffer with discontent. If only to be fair to those whose life has been an organized catalog of misfortunes.

Brooding too early in the day over a cup of yet another unsugared coffee.

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