I know how you struggle with the things most difficult. You take comfort from the fact that God understands, God forgives. Over and over.
Most times, I pray for something selfish. And God asks me, "why dare second-guess what i deem selfish?" And i recoil. And I feel most unworthy, most undeserving. I sigh the big sigh. For all eternity, God knows what I can never start to comprehend in my very short while on earth. I am ambitious to try to know what I need only feel and believe.
Yesterday was the Immaculate Concepcion day. Her birthday. I went to the Padre Pio Sanctuary in Libis. She was there in all her glory, manifested in stone. I walked to where her image stood. I held her with both hands, one in each of her own. I prayed the prayer of the old, of women represented by my age. In that instant, I saw and felt for the nth time that there is something greater than the universe, than our sins, than worldly love.
And i cried the longest time, the freshest tears of the one blessed, of the one loved, of the one cared for, of the one being looked after. And I wondered again, why do we ever doubt, why do we ever feel afraid, why do we think we are alone.