In Medias Res

I don't know why you still love me or why you've even started to do so some ten years ago.

Last time I checked only technology defies time and space. Not love.

Love, as most people know it, withers over time regardless of the intensity it was ushered in.

Love, as we know it, forgets when absence becomes permanent.

Love, as we know it, looks the other way and finds another -- over time when reason rules over faith.

But you must really love me to remember the smallest detail that could have easily been forgotten about me. (Like the night I was embarrassingly drunk and sung "Crazy For You" to you.)

You must really love me to allow yourself want something you know you cannot have and not care about its futility.

As for me, I love you beyond the physical, the psychological and the emotional.

I love you not for the same reason and the same way I've loved the others before and after you.

I love you because if I don't, my life here will be a worthless sail across an endless voyage.

You happened to me in medias res. Like a story starting in the middle, my life started when you happened.

Video Killed Not Just the Radio Star

Conrado De Quiros' column today entitled "Hangover" juxtaposes the way Willie Revillame and Ellen Degeneres help those in need. While Ellen was a class act, Willie was simply an act. Willie would dry up his beneficiaries to their last teardrop; Ellen "would crack a joke or draw attention to something else or go into commercial each time the beneficiary got tearful." Willie would bask in the limelight as his beneficiaries kiss his hand in gratefulness; the poor beneficiaries looking like stray dogs being given last night's leftovers. Ellen "has basic appreciation for people, she has basic respect for people." Wille has only basic and primal appreciation for money.

We do not need to look far to realize the level of doom this country has found itself. We need only switch on the TV set to local channels on primetime.

When we talk of TV, there are two things that hit my negative memory button; the two things that TV had done that I will never forget.

One. Wish Ko Lang.

I am not sure if it was still with Bernadette Sembrano or with its current host Vickie Morales. A boy in his teens was shown playing basketball with his pals. He had the moves. He could do rebounds. He was fairly tall. He was laughing and playing. What do you know, he had cancer. He had this huge mound of flesh somewhere in his body where the mass should not have been. His family wrote to Wish Ko Lang for help. With the usual drama and theatrics, Wish Ko Lang granted the wish and sponsored the boy's operations. Two or three episodes later, the boy died. My sister and I were stunned. And we cried. We still remember that episode to this day. To this day there is no disclaimer that says "Ask at your own risk." Just a long list of sponsors at end credits.

Two. PBA.

It was that terrible game when Terry Saldana fell on his knee that broke and got dislocated in complete reverse. I still get the shivers remembering it. How could I not? Thoughtless, inconsiderate, callous PBA crew must have ran the replay in slow-mo over a dozen times a minute while the announcers commented on every screenshot minute detail. I was but a little girl enjoying the game with my father. The PBA that time was riding on a big wave of success. It was the time when most Filipino families had only one TV set. It was the time when fathers called the shots on what to watch on TV. And when it's PBA time, it was all PBA time. To hell with Inday Badiday and her rotten showbiz talkshow. Success made PBA careless. And heartless. What must have been happening to PBA now is called payback time.

Because video killed not just the radio star.

Great Company, Bad Employees

This is the letter of complaint I sent National Bookstore last Saturday, December 18.

Dear National Bookstore,

I regret to inform you that going to your store this morning wasn't exactly the experience one would expect from a business that has been running for more than 70 years, and has been tagged as the "biggest and strongest bookstore chain in the Philippines."

I was looking for some gift ideas early this morning around 11, when a part of one of your shelves collapsed as I took one of the hardbound notebooks stacked on it. The plastic support was either brittle or not properly installed and caused it to detach. I tried to push the plastic support to keep your merchandise from falling while looking around for a staff to help out. The notebooks then started falling first one at time then in heaps. Still no one was there to help. Fortunately, one of the customers, an elderly man, saw what was happening and quickly moved towards me to keep all your notebooks from tumbling down, uselessly it might have already been. There was no stopping gravity from pulling the notebooks down. And still no help from your employees came. Everything was now on the floor. The old man put the plastic support in place and we started to pick up one by one the notebooks and put them back to the shelf. Finally, one of your female clerks came, pathetically slow and without urgency. Para pa siyang galit at inakala siguro kung ano na ang ginawa namin sa mga paninda ninyo. The man left soon afterwards. Your clerk didn't say anything, didn't even ask what happened, or at least thank the old man. It was I who even had to explain what happened. You'd think she'd react at least, ask some question or apologize for the inconvenience. But no, not a whimper for a reaction. I was so exasperated all I could do was sigh "Hay, naku" to myself and shook my head. You would think I'd left her with all your merchandise on the floor. No, i stayed and helped her until all the notebooks were returned to the shelf. You'd think, she'd say something at least, like "thank you." But no, not a word. I could have accepted a sign language for thank you and I wouldn't mind, in case you hire deaf-mutes. Unbelievable woman!

Another thing, I saw one of the guards inside your store just a couple of shelves away. It wasn't possible that he didn't hear what happened. I'm sure he heard it, at least, if he didn't see it. Some customers already stopped on their tracks after the shelf had collapsed. Never mind that the first of your customers who saw me holding on to your merchandise just looked on and didn't help. But I do mind the people in your payroll who simply didn't care.

I don't regret not leaving your stuff as they collapsed. I don't regret trying to save your little shelf. I don't regret not leaving your staff as she picked and returned the fallen goods in place. I don't regret helping her either. It is because that isn't how I was raised. That isn't how my company trains us. We are always reminded at the office that inside or outside the workplace, we represent our company. And that's what we do all the time - protect our company's good name anywhere we go.

But there I was inside your store, and your people carried your name in the most undistinguished way; these employees wearing their IDs, wearing their uniforms in the workplace.

I'm sure it is not your way. You wouldn't have lasted this long if it were. But I still find no excuse for such behavior.

Also, I come to your store not only during the holidays or during back to school days. I come to your stores (Powerbooks included) at least twice a month to buy books - for myself and for our office library. I may be wrong, but I'm quite sure I am more loyal to you than most of your staff assigned at your Festival Mall branch around 11 AM today, December 18, 2010.

You may think also that I left your store not buying anything out of disappointment. No. I bought a planner and two notebook journals. I gave you business today despite the very poor service I was given.

If you think that what your staff did was right, don't bother yourself with this e-mail.

______________
Until this time, Tuesday morning, December 21 - National Bookstore has not replied.

I Met Noynoy. Finally.

It was my third time in Malacanang last Friday.

The invitation was faxed last Wednesday which I read a day later. Of course, I would go. It didn't matter that the invitation came barely two days before the event. It was an occasion to celebrate the International Human Rights Day, December 10, 2010 at the Heroes Hall of Malacanang, 10 AM.

I was a witness to several things that day:

1) The signing of the Implementing Rules and Regulations of the Anti-Torture Law;

2) Etta Rosales acting like a school principal reprimanding the President to listen. As an introduction, Etta said Noynoy had asked her to keep her speech short and sweet. And she go, "Well, Mr. President, you're my captive audience now. You have no choice but to listen." And indeed, we were all held captive to a looooonngggg narration of her first 100 Days as Commission on Human Rights Chair. To be fair to Noynoy, he was not the only one who stopped paying attention to Etta. Leila De Lima was in lala land. The diplomats were exchanging news and gossips with their seat-mates. I was figuring out how to zoom the Blackberry built-in camera. Etta Rosales was enjoying the floor too much, she didn't care if she was already committing genocide. That is if boring, disengaging speeches could kill.

(CHR Chair Etta Rosales after the long and winding speech)

(Department of Justice Secretary Leila De Lima)

3) Noynoy asking the government to withdraw the case filed against the members of Morong 43. It wasn't a big surprise. I remember just giving him the double-take when he said it.

4) The ineptitude of the Palace staff in handling the event. If Noynoy's government has really been cutting corners to cut costs, I must say they're cutting more flesh than fat. The staff assisting the diplomats were shabbily dressed. I had been to an Erap function and a Gloria event in Malacanang and the staff then looked and moved world-class. Back to Noynoy. There must have been close to a hundred diplomat-guests whose names they cut-out from a bond paper and assigned to a chair. They must have re-arranged the names on the chairs a dozen times before the diplomats arrived. When the diplomats did arrive, they were still arranging the names. They escorted the diplomats to a chair this way and that, moved them a seat or two, a row or two twice at least. Some got exasperated they took the vacant seats next to us. I shook my head and was close to asking my assistant to help these hapless Malacanang staff!

After the event, we were treated to empanada, brownies, sandwiches, orange and four-seasons juices on trays carried by Palace waiters. I took one empanada and a glass of four-seasons. It was past 12 noon. No, I am not going to do a Mai Mislang.

Speaking of Mai Mislang. Her boss, Ricky Carandang, was at the gathering. I saw him during Leila De Lima's press briefing after the event. Mr. Carandang was trying real hard to be inconspicuous. Being one of the Communication Group's heads, he looked out-of-place being outside where the action was. He was alone under the shadows of the darkened passage to the hall. He looked self-conscious standing alone. He looked lost. When Noynoy left, I expected him to catch the ball and play host. But he seemed clueless on this function. Epic fail.

Noynoy wasn't the first President I came to see at the Heroes Hall. He was the third. The first one was Erap, the second was Gloria. Just how many Filipinos get to be invited to Malacanang three times over a period of three presidents?

With Erap, it was through an invitation of a friend who was working for a commission under the Office of the President. I developed their website and I must add for free. When the commission's major report was presented to Erap, the stakeholders and the press, I was there. Whoever was in charge of Malacanang events during the time of Erap knew class. It was well-organized. The staff knew exactly where everyone should be. It was like a happy symphony where every note was in place. It looked effortless. And we know that when something seems effortless, a lot of work was carried through and miles and miles of brains moved to the last minute, to the minute detail of the affair. But all these had taken place before the first guest arrived and never after.

With Gloria, it was work-related. I had to be there because I was tasked to be there. The ambiance at the Heroes Hall was stiff and dictatorial. But the event was no doubt handled by professionals.

Noynoy is trying damn hard to be a good president. But he's surrounded himself with unskilled butterfingers.

Now, here's one sincere man leading us. There are just too many jesters and nincompoops in his court.

(Noynoy leaving the Heroes Hall)

If We All Know For Sure

If we all know for sure what will become of us after death, then there is no need for faith.

If we all know for sure what is the right religion and whose teaching is the truth, then there is no need for faith.

These wonderful seeds of wisdom came from a rabbi. How long have I been a Catholic and not heard these exact words? How many times have I attended Pentecostal services and not heard these words? How many times have I praised God with the Baptists and Protestants and not been offered this humble truth?

All these time I was looking for something unequivocal to believe in. All these time I was looking for meaning and purpose. And it hit me cold in the gut just when I least expected it.

There has to be something bigger than the biggest, higher than the highest. There must be something before zero and something beyond eternity.

When I die and find myself God's favorite whom God will give one gift - the gift that allows me to come back to life with a high definition video of an interview with Him in Heaven and unbelievable footages of Heaven and his saints - I will let pass the opportunity. Not out selfishness, but love. I will not come back to tell the world that God does exist for sure. For this shall diminish His glory and surely will do disservice to the faithful.

Faith is the greatest gift we can offer God for the opportunity of being born. Faith is the only way we can show our love to the one Almighty God who rears our heads when we sleep, takes away our pain when we rest, clears our path before we set forth, puts a rainbow when someone rains on our parade, provides food on our table, gives us appetite when we cannot eat, lulls us to sleep when we're done counting sheep, pats our shoulders when our boss forgets, takes the wheel when we overdrive, steps on the brake when we miss the hump, lights our path when we get lost.

No, I didn't just wake up one day and found myself a Jew. I woke up one day knowing what faith is. Faith is what we find before zero. Faith is what lies ahead after infinity. And everything in between is God's love. God's love is His presence without us seeing Him. Without God there is only absence of everything. And this absence is what makes the world unattractive and evil.

Hate is the absence of love.
War is the absence of peace.
Darkness is the absence of light.
Sadness is the absence of joy.
Sickness is the absence of health.
Death is the absence of life.
Ugliness is the absence of beauty.

Love is the presence of God.
Peace is the presence of God.
Light is the presence of God.
Joy is the presence of God.
Health is the presence of God.
Life is the presence of God.
Beauty is the presence of God.

I didn't wake up to find myself a new person. I woke up and discovered my Temple.